I think I have the RBF, resting b**** face so they say. Well whatever is showing outside, truth is I'm
dying inside if I catch someone stare at me, I don't need the attention. Makes me wonder what is
wrong with my face. Then I would think, yeah right my whole face is wrong. (Or sometimes maybe
my lipstick is causing the attention). I hate small talk, noisy and crowded places. I hate seeing
familiar faces in a public place, I'm just too awkward, I cringe catching up with friends and relatives I
haven't seen in a long time. But somehow I'm not the type to just stay at home for days, I'd love to go
outside but with very minimal human interaction if possible. If I go somewhere, like in a mall; I don't
look at people. I walk out there as if I'm the only person. An intovert type perhaps but just partly. I've
come across the term introvert before but never really thought much about it. I was labeled as shy by
teachers and my parents in a negative way and it was something that made my self-esteem even
lower. People who don't know me calls me snob. Felt misunderstood, I still tried to be social but I
always ended up getting hurt emotionally. I've felt embarrassed too many times. My parents tried too
hard for me to make friends with cousins but it was the more I distanced myself from them. So I
thought to myself why bother keeping up with what is considered normal in society when it is not
being my normal self? Through the years I've only kept very few close friends. Usually those that I've
been with for a long time, who I can say may have understood me. Elementary, High School and
College classmates. But keeping in touch with them is not my forte either. After drifting away from
them for many years, I don't get the courage to reach out to them. It's either that I'm shy or that I just
felt too little compared to them. A lot of things has been happening in their lives that I felt that
nothing has been happening to mine. Feeling stuck in my own rut.
